people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize