If i come over, it means nothing
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
