I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
