why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
