i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
