her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize