i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
