he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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