I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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