got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he shaved USA in his pubs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
