Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
