Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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