I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
