i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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