she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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