so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
