so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
A+ Viking dick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
