I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
