so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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