Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
