there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
