dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
