Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
