Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
