The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it because I queefed?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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