and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
