Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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