Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
