38 yer olds are good kisserssss
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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