I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
