Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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