Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
