i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
