i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
