he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
