Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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