I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
