you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize