In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
