I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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