Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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