woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
