Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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