My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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