He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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