I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
