When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
