Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
