sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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