i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
