If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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