Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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