I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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