remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
