A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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