There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
