why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
