All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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