my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That accounts for only three of the penises
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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