a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
