dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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