we're blogging at a bar
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
