Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
