is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
