Sry I called you an 8
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
