I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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