Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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