'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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