he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
