When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
