Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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