Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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