Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize